A six or seven-year-old boy was stuck on the roof of a room in the backyard, constantly calling out to his mother. Perhaps, while playing, he had jumped from the under-construction balcony of the second floor, which was barely two or three feet above. But now, it was impossible for him to go back up, and naturally, he couldn’t jump down either. He was helplessly calling out to his mother, like a desperate person calling out to God.
From the window of my kitchen, I could clearly see the whole scene.
The mother replied from inside the house, “I’m not coming. Get down yourself, however you like.”
“Mom, please come, I’m stuck!” the child said in a whining voice.
“Come down the way you went up. If you come here, I won’t let you go,” the mother said.
The child, sweating under the heat of the sun, began to cry. “When dad comes, you’ll see,” the mother threatened. The child started crying loudly.
My food was ready, so I had no reason to stay in the kitchen any longer. I thought I’d take one last look to see what the child was doing. The child was now crying silently and trying to peek upwards, jumping to get a better look.
A few minutes passed, and then, out of fear of his father, the child started shouting loudly, “Uncle, uncle, is anyone there?” Finally, a worker, probably working on the second floor, heard him. The worker stretched out both hands from the balcony and, with his arms, helped pull the child up. The child breathed a sigh of relief and immediately said, “Uncle, please don’t tell my dad.”
The worker laughed and asked, “Are you afraid of your dad?” The child nodded in agreement. The worker then took him inside the under-construction area.
What happened next? If you’re expecting a tragic ending to this story, thankfully, that’s not the case. The worker likely returned to his work, and the child probably went back to his mother. However, the scenario you imagined is not entirely impossible, and many accidents occur when children or their parents trust people they shouldn’t, and fail to receive help from those they should.
From childhood to adolescence, whenever a child gets into trouble, the usual “I won’t let you go if you come here” attitude from parents often drives the child away. As a result, the child begins to see the parents as enemies rather than friends, and keeps a distance. Lying and hiding things from them becomes second nature. Naturally, when you express anger and frustration over a child’s mistakes, the child will deny doing anything wrong. They will feel ashamed of admitting their mistakes, leading to wrong decisions, bad company, and bad habits.
Anger is certainly a natural response, and there is no person who doesn’t feel anger. But it is the way we express it that shapes our character. As Bahadur Shah Zafar said: “Zafar, do not consider a man to be great, no matter how wise or clever he is, If, in times of pleasure, he forgets God, and in moments of anger, fears God.”
We usually behave very politely and courteously with people outside our homes who have no influence on our worldly or afterlife matters, but we often treat the people who deserve our love and attention the most with great disrespect. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said, “The best among you are those who are best to their families.”
And if you’re thinking that your child could never behave this way, be informed that these changes occur gradually and imperceptibly. By the time you realize it, it may be too late. Habits become ingrained, relationships weaken, and qualities like patience, tolerance, and generosity fail to develop in the child.
In our society, there is a common misconception that children are disciplined through lectures. The truth is that the best way to discipline a child is through action. A child molds themselves into the pattern they see in you. If they witness you yelling, screaming, and beating when they make mistakes, they will adopt the same attitude toward people in their life. They won’t learn forgiveness or tolerance.
The structure of society is built by individuals. Therefore, a society full of short-tempered and extreme individuals will also be one lacking in patience and full of intolerance.
